Sometimes in life, changes aren’t small, coming over time. Sometimes changes hit you in the stomach unexpectedly and you just have to try to regain your breath and adjust accordingly.
One very long summer abroad 2 years ago had showed me that you can not always rely on stable job or good boss. Life changes constantly. And suddenly, the fear I always had- that the career of an artist, whether that meant making earrings, drawing or photography, won’t be enough for me to support myself- seemed irrelevant. If there were no guarantees in regular jobs, what was there stopping me from living the life of my dreams?
So I created an online store for earrings. That’s a whole different story itself, but here I am. One would think, knowing what I need to do to develop it, I would instantly do it, apply all efforts I could. But, I didn’t. At first, I had university classes to fit in, finish my BA degree. I didn’t have time, or so I told myself. I did some things, random efforts here and there- which also led to some of my first sales. Meanwhile things were happening around me- I had to face the notions of addiction and death for a first time in my life. I had to study. I had to figure out how to pay my university expenses with less money than I had. So, I let life take the best of me.
But even now, having worked through those things, mostly, I was at home, alone half of the time. I could work in any room I chose, get up whenever I want, do as much work as I pleased. Out of university, but not yet into work life, for once I had the choice of doing as I pleased. Of course, I was restrained by the pressure of both family and friends, expecting me to make a choice soon. Still, I had freedom- a lot of it- and I was doing the same things I had been doing for years. In the same order.
Until today. I had spend 2 years lost, trying to figure out who I was- and finish my BA degree on the way. I spend the last 2 months picking my life apart to be sure that when I do something, it will be something I will be happy with. I wanted all to be perfect.
But this is life. If I wait for perfect, I may never get there. And so, I chose. I’m choosing to work on my online store, until I expand it enough to be actual source of monthly money. I’m choosing to be an artist.
And as much as I loved the start of this blog, I have changed. I have changed so fundamentally, that I sometimes can hardly remember the way I perceived things before. Sometimes we choose how we change, but sometimes changes imprint over us. I’m a different person. And so, a time has come. To change this blog so it would suit my new life. To create my business, and do my art. To stop only researching successful people, and work on becoming one myself. To figure out who this new person inside of me is. And most of all, to see how far can you fall when you jump down the rabbit hole.
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